MISCARRIAGE AND LOSS: WHAT HELPS, WHAT TO SAY, WHERE TO TURN

ACOG estimates that early pregnancy loss occurs in roughly 10% of clinically recognized pregnancies — and because many losses happen before recognition, the true number is higher. If it has happened to you, the statistics are beside the point, but they carry one important message: it was almost certainly nothing you did. The most common cause of early loss is a chromosomal error at conception — not the coffee, not the workout, not the stress, not the lifting.

Grief after miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant loss is real bereavement, and it does not follow the timelines other people are comfortable with. Partners often grieve differently — sometimes on a delay, sometimes through action rather than words — which can feel like distance when it's actually parallel processing. Anniversaries, due dates, and other people's announcements can reopen it. All of that is within the range of normal grieving; persistent depression or anxiety layered on top deserves its own care.

FOR THE PEOPLE AROUND HER

• Say something. 'I'm so sorry. I'm here.' Silence reads as forgetting.
• Use the baby's name if there was one. Hearing it is usually a gift, not a wound.
• Skip the silver linings — 'at least it was early,' 'you can try again' — every one of them argues with her grief.
• Do a thing rather than offering things: drop food, take the toddler, handle the group chat.